Someone Kill the DJ

This is a sad little story about my recent attempt at being academically adventurous. Winter break is over and for the new semester I thought I would try out humanities & history instead of the usual corporate mumbo jumbo that I am most comfortable with. First class in the afternoon today, and I was constantly oscillating between trying very hard to suppress my giant yawns and perspiring (despite today being the coldest day recorded this winter) with dread and being generally clueless. The moment I got out of the lecture I ran to my laptop and immediately dropped all "adventurous" classes and added all my "international finances", "financial analysis" back on the list. I attended one of my comfort classes in the evening and felt such a warm rush of familiarity. Ugh! I hate this. I thought I would learn about the Nuremberg trials and the Fourteenth Amendment and the Civil War and Media Rights and what not. And I will spew forth sentences like "In our egalitarian society...", "The barbaric nature of war crimes is a reflection of modern day depravity that is a direct result of .... ", etc. etc. And I will be such a hipster. But I guess these are all wrong reasons for trying to learn such subjects. The only subjects that I want to learn because of the right reasons (i.e, interest in the area) are sadly the very mundane rules and regulations of the corporate and securities. FML!

Come down and waste away with me

Do you ever feel this sudden urge to be best friends with everyone around you? To be invited to all the lets-try-this-cute-little-restaurant-I-just-discovered dinners? Be the first one that everyone texts when they make plans to go to the pathetic but free stand-up comedy shows in the Village? To be the center of attention at every booze infested house party? I do. And it makes me feel miserable. I am a fairly social person with a few set of good, but not too close, friends. At least in this city. I go out pretty regularly with my friends. And I bail out at the last moment from plans pretty regularly too. That makes me just a regular girl, right? But sometimes in the middle of my very contented vegetative state of lying on my bed and watching crap on Netflix, I will scroll down my Facebook page, and I will see people's updates about this thing or that. And I will feel irritated with myself, because I was not invited to "this thing or that". I know that if I were invited to the said event, I most probably will be itching to get the hell out of there in 30 minutes. I will make some random excuse about having to visit a family friend in town and bail. I am surprisingly good at bailing out of gatherings where I am required to trudge along the extremely uncomfortable valley of small-talks, before the grassy plains of interesting conversations are reached. But still I will hear this weird little voice in my head going  "Loser Loser Loser" for not being invited. I know this is not normal. Or maybe it is normal, but people don't talk about this "feeling left out syndrome" in public. Because, well, one must at all time appear super cool and of course telling others that you feel like a Loser at times is definitely the opposite of cool. Weird.